Blu Anew
by Thingy Person
Summary: A crossover. The Red team of TF2 battles a Blu team comprised of Fire Emblem characters. Bastian is a n00b spy.
1. Nadeved

_**Author: **Oh, the humanity. This game needs moar fics. Like, right now. Chapter contains pedo Danved.

* * *

_"_AttaaAaaAAck!"_

"_Play ball."_

"_HIDE, KOWARDS!"_

"_After you."_

"_GAT THAM BULLOWS"_

"_Gesundheit!"_

"_Hudda hudda huh."_

"_Gowd sayve the queen."_

"_Yeeeehaw!"_

Billy Johnson is an engineer from Texas. Not much is known about his past; he isn't a talkative one. But one thing is certain: without him, the team would crumble. Especially here, in 2fort, where death may come from every corner, Billy's engineering is crucial. Because, contrary to every other member of the team, they have no where to go but through him to steal his briefcase. And he wasn't going to let himself get pushed over that easily.

Red Team left their respawning area. As always, Billy took a sharp turn right to the intelligence, while everyone else headed left to besiege the enemy fort. The respawn area was on the second floor, a section of the fortress that reminded him of home. On the rare occasion Billy would set up his buildings in the foyer area, what could be considered to be the nexus of activity in each fort, he'd soak up the dry, dusty air, smell the scent of wood and hay and watch the moths circle around the lamp dangling from the ceiling. Then he'd get nostalgic, longing for the days when he helped his uncle at the farm for some extra quarters. Yes, occasionally Billy would get sick of being so far away, stuck away in that little room with nothing but enemies and an occasional scout with the blu intel to keep him company. Then he'd plant himself in the foyer, and rejoyce as his teammates seek protection behind his sentry, extinguish their flames using his dispenser...but not today. This battle's Blu Team was comprised of foreign recruits, and one couldn't be too cautious around foreigners. Billy grew up with this motto. As a precaution, he built a teleporter entrance and camouflaged it with hay, hoping it would get him to the intel quickly if the worst were to happen, and returned to the spawn area to pick up a new tool kit. Then, he continued down to the high-tech part of the fortress.

No matter how many times he'd trod down there, it never ceased to amaze Billy how a building which seemed like a barnyard on the surface could hide such a mesa of apparature and illegal weaponry underneath. And it's not limited to 2fort, either. Almost every industrial compound, be it mining or heavy industry, seemed to be a secret cache of nuclear warheads or some other weapon of mass destruction. And that's why the Blu Team would never stop attacking. They would go to any length to seize Red's weapon supply. But Billy wasn't going to let that happen. Not just yet.

The start of the battle was always the most essential part of his job. He arrived in the main basement hall, riddled with computers and telecommunication devices, took a turn left, bolted though a corridor and arrived at his favourite little spot in the entire fortress. The briefcase he had to protect was sitting on the desk, as always. It was a real fancy desk, with retractable shelves and everything! Before Billy took up this job, he had never seen anything like it, nor did he suspect it would fit him so well. This whole building used to be the headquarters of a secret governmental organisation founded to keep tabs on multiple terrorist organisations around the world. The intel room used to be the office of the big mastermind, until blu came.

Those savages stormed through the building, slaying every secretary in their path, and searched the complex for the intelligence they sought. Fortunately, their scout was a twat, and swiped only the briefcase sitting seductively near Red's spawn area (freakin spawncampers). Only when the Reds had pulled out and looked inside the case did they find out it was only half of what they had come for, and the less important half as well. If the Reds were to obtain the other half...Billy tried not to think about it. In any case, the Reds trained a squad of elite combat units in Blu's image to defend against subsequent attacks. He was part of this squad. With the stolen information, blu had built a fortress of their own which resembled Red's in every nook and cranny, leading to what is now called 2fort: two identical fortresses built adjecant to eachother, seperated by nothing but a bridge. They were now evenly matched. Either Blu stole the rest of Red's intel, or Red would take back the intel Blu had stolen from them.

Sweat appeared on Billy's forehead. Who knows how close by they were already. A scout could've slipped past them...a demoman may have snuck in through the sewers...he wasted no time. Contrary to what you'd think, Billy built his dispenser first. He put it on the desk, next to the master chair. He figured sentries weren't going to do him any good until he upgraded them, and that requires metal. Dispensers produce metal. Best to let them begin doing so as quickly as possible. He had a shotgun with him to defend himself against enemies, if he really had to.

For the next step, Billy had to collect new metal to build the sentry gun. This had always been a dilemma. There was a limited ammo pickup in the main hall, but he could also go a little further and restock in a resupply room. He decided against this. Leaving his buildings so far behind is just asking for trouble. There could be a soldier while he's gone. Or worse yet, a _spah_...

After grabbing the pickup, Billy went back to the intel room and dropped his sentry gun on the desk, in front of the chair. He drew his wrench and whacked it to make it build faster. When it was completed, Billy eased up a bit. But this wasn't nearly enough. He darted back to the ammo pickup, and when he realised it hadn't reappeared yet, he went to the supply room instead. He couldn't have picked a better moment.

While Billy was away, two members of the new Blu team arrived in the basement. One of them, Tormod (Blu's hyperactive scout) explained to the other what to do.

"So, got all that?", he asked, with a tired look on his face.

"Hold on", said the other one. "Where would you like your..._stickies_?"

"Uh...Devdan, are you sure you're up for this?", he asked again, now slightly repulsed.

"Danved is most certainly not Devdan. Danved will fight like ten demomen!" Tormod tried to keep him quiet. If the engineer were to hear them now... "Danved will fight like Loch Ness monster! We don't need spy or soldier, because Danved is pretty amazing."

"Alright alright, just shut up!"

With a lot of effort, Tormod got the African demoman to the intel room. Danved peeked around the corner; he saw the sentry gun. The sentry saw him too. He pulled his head back quickly. A few bullets sifted through the polished floor moments later.

Danved started building up pressure in his pipe bomb gun. Sentries needed a few moments to lock onto targets, and it wasn't hard to exploit such a weakness. When he thought there was enough pressure, Danved appeared from behind the corner, launched a sticky bomb, and hopped away right before the sentry started firing. The sound the sticky makes when it latches onto something gives away wether it hit its mark or not. Danved deducted that it did. He repeated this process two more times (three stickies are actually only necessary for lvl 3 sentry guns, but Danved wanted to be sure) and then...

"SENTRY DOWN!" The engineer started at his own exclamation. It was an annoying habit. Whenever something happened to his buildings, he shouted despite himself. This was extremely annoying when the medic was talking to him and he'd suddenly say "Spah's sappin' mah dispenser!"

Tormod ran over to the desk and picked up the briefcase. "Nice job Danved. You wait right here and kill the engie when he comes back, okay?"

"You can count on Danved! Be back soon!"

Tormod shuddered and left as quickly as he came. He ran down the corridor leading to the main hall, and as he turned around the corner, stared right into the dual barrels of Billy's shotgun.

"I told 'chu not to touch that darn thang."

* * *

_I love being an engineer in 2fort._


	2. Gentlemen

_**Author: **It's Bastian's time to shine. For a change, first person narration is in normal text and third person is italic. Also, totally not BastianxMakalov._

_FYI, this map is Badwater Basin.

* * *

_Hmm...the setup phase is about to end. I sight an engineer across the precipice, a sniper...

"Hey, uh...Count?"

Ah, Makalov. I suppose I could divert my gaze from the gates for a bit. "What is it, my brazen teammate?"

"We make a good team, right? Y'know, you go around sapping stuff and I plant stickies..."

"Inarguably! Why, the two of us could solo the map if all this other rabble didn't get in our way."

He appears to be a tad nervous. "So...can I add you to my friends list?"

Ah, what a lovely gesture! I can count on Makalov evermore to dream up ideas so brilliantly splendid. "Why, I consider you one of my dearest friends! Let us feast to this new oath by obliterating the opposition, together."

"Thanks a bunch, Count!" "That's Bastian to you, loyal friend."

_Makalov presses shift+tab right away, but forgets that the setup phase is ending. While fervently adding Bastian, a crit rocket hits Makalov in the face._

Oh dear...so much for that. I'm afraid I must continue on my own. How thrilling to be a spy, so unlike controlling a network comprised of them! All I have to do is tap this odd device on my wrist, and poof! Invisible Bastian. To infiniltrate into circles of nobility without raising suspicion, such is the mark of a true gentleman.

_While cloaked, Bastian heads into the tunnel, which is devoid of players as everyone is fighting over the cart at this point. At the other end, he uncloaks and disguises._

Hmm...the person who I am masquerading as seems to be a dodgy fellow. Data stored within my tempostentation device reveals that he posesses no real name, instead choosing to be called "The Demoman" or "Steamboat Willy".

Now, to select a target... The scout? Too speedy. The medic? Too neurotic! Ah, I perceive a suitable target. The Heavy Armaments Person waddles across my field of vision. Now I must strike! Once again, I am amazed by these poor pawns' limited angle of perception. I can approach this dim-witted individual from a sideways angle unnoticed! But it appears as though a figure behind us has caught wind of my escapade. It is none other than Colonel Tooge, the Soldier! But no matter. I am this close to my goal.

"That demoman is a spy!" "Ach, _nooo_."

I brandish my themisionary utility to shank this fellow in the back... One, two, thre- WAAAH! He turned around!

_At the last second, the Heavy makes a 180° turn and pumps Bastian full of lead._

"No one backstab _Boris_!"

--

Humbug. I may need to alter my course of action... If I use my magic invisibility do-hickey sparingly, I might be able to penetrate the enemy lines much deeper!

_Bastian uses a friendly disguise to pose as a blu Demoman, and goes up the slope to his left to climb the rock formation. Near the top, a scout spots him from below._

"Demo comin'! He could be a spy."

"Danved is most certainly not Bastian. Danved will fight like ten gentlemen!"

Hmm...that annoying young man has commenced persecution! Curses, if he is to engage me in combat, I cannot defend myself...

_Bastian decides to cloak despite his original plan. When the scout loses every trace of him, he warns the others._

"Watch eachother's back, privates!", Tooge commands.

That oaf is attempting to undermine my success yet again! But such a fate shan't befall me twice. As of yet, my mantle is sufficient still to guide me far beyond that insufferable veteran and his cronies. For minor lols, I shall observe him from closeby.

_Bastian jumps down to cross the Soldier's path and concludes that his face is, indeed, ugly. A second later, he almost bumps into the Pyro._

Yikes! That was...that was...my archnemisis, Lord Timothy Harrogate-Spiffington-Crumpet! He is the despicable pyrotechnician. I despise him with every bit of my blood, skeleton, and tissue. That meddlesome rif-raff foils each of my attempts to harass an Engineer. I shall not rest before I have instigated his demise but once. Each time I attempt to backstab him, he outruns me. And when I attempt to insert the metallic particles of my stylish revolver into him, he always finds a way to corner me like a trapped animal! He makes the hairs on my noble neck stand on end...

Bah, I digress. Now is not the time for vengefulness. If I were to strike now, it would be yet another disgraceful end, nor would I aid my team in doing so. I must continue onward, to the culprit of much frustration among our ranks. I must use my psychological influence to remove this annoyance, if only for today. This individual whom I speak of is, of course, none other than the Sniper!

_As a matter of fact, the Sniper isn't having a very good day. To stand around near the gates at the start of the match equals suicide, so normally, he waits for the Blu team to make the first cap and pick them off as they come round the corner. However, it seems the Reds were doing their job a little too well. The Sniper's been staring into the same hill ever since the match started._

_From the corner of his eye, he sees the Scout approaching. He can guess what he came to say._

"_Hey Sniper, I think it'd be better if you changed class so you could actually, I dunno, HELP THE TEAM."_

"Hey Sniper, I think-" "Piss off, Parker."

_Injustified, the Scout drops the subject._ "Alright, but it's your funeral."

_The Sniper resumes his fruitless staring with a contented smile._ "Wait a minute, what funera-"

*Bastian is DOMINATING Hank*

* * *

_These chapters somewhat reflect my playstyle, but not by alot. Bastian is such a n00b._


	3. Meet the Heavy

_Note: This chapter closely reflects my playstyle._

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Team Fortress 2, Fire Emblem, any of their respective characters, or the man with the curly beard (wish I did though).

* * *

Name is Boris Brivinski. Am exchange soldier from Russia, formerly known as Heavy Weapons Guy, now contracted to babysit blu team.

Boris no ordinary heavy. Boris have brains, _always _check for spies. Team often mock Boris for turning around all the time. But you see, Boris _love_ Orange X. Spies love it, and try to outsmart Boris. Boris loves spies. Turn around, see man with curly beard. Man with beard run. Boris let him...Sasha don't. Cannot outsmart bullet.

Also unlike other heavies, Boris not deaf. Sasha not very quiet girl, but Boris hears if Medic warn Boris. Boris turns around and sees gothboy with knife, cutting Boris instead of self. He is only kid! What sick man sends babies out to fight?!

Boris hop out of spawn room in Orange X. Boris always check for happy campers. Scout like to mock Boris for being a douche. But Boris often find fat man with flamethrower and ugly mustache, sitting in corner, waiting to fry Boris and his friends. Entire team is babies.

Sandvich...she is like little sister to me (not really, but don't tell Sasha). If Boris stand on tower, he usually sit on tiny wall in the corner, with Sasha ready to kill cowards trying to take point. They come in packs. If Boris must take shotgun and two rockets to the face in order to keep cowards in check, Boris will, but must refuel to keep protecting tower. Then he put Sasha away (where? Don't want to know) and begin lunch. Sandvich...handmade in Russia, filled with reach meats that grant +120 nutrition points. Is effective, payed by others, and Boris keep for himself; exactly like in mother Russia!

If Boris bump into annoying fat man, it hurt. Sasha is strong, but she slow. Fat man is creepy, he spit fire the second he see me. It take three seconds to kill! By then, Boris burning to death. But after, Boris take out Sandvich, then Boris as good as new!

There was one time, when Boris almost dead. There was annoying skinny man chasing Boris; couldn't hit. Kept ducking behind things, what a coward. Boris begin eating sandvich. Then coward appear and begin pummeling Boris with dinky bat. Boris drop sandvich and make coward eat fist. You are loose cannon Sandvich, but you are a damn good cop!

Then there is medic. Other heavies like medic; like feeling invincible, like shooting cowards out in the open. Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Boris not like medic. Sometimes, medic does good job to keep Boris protected. Otherwise, Boris protect medic but medic let little pile of black backstab Boris. How can Boris watch out for spies when he have to kill people on control point?! Then medic let emo kid get away. Take forty thousand years to figure out what happened, then take out funny-looking weapon and get killed with revolver. Stupid...

Is why Boris is defensive heavy. Boris not like shooting bullets at random blus while skinny coward stand behind corner with medigun, require no skill. Boris also meet leader of blus, coward with bazooka. Has blu hair. Boris cannot stand. Boris park next to antigravity briefkase, wait for coward to try and steal blueprints for Russian nuke, then Boris give Sasha a go. Instant coward for lunch.

However, Boris find good medic yesterday. Think name was Hans. Fruity looking man, funny accent, puny glasses. However, hans no coward. Boris see enemy heavy and medic far away. Heavy look stupid, has coward headband and spikes on shoulder (Ooh! So scared!) and baby-face medic with orange hair in white dress. Enemy heavy start point puny gun at Boris; Boris start shooting medic. Medic panick, but heavy not hear because ears full of donkey doo doo. Then Tooge come out of nowhere and make medic go boom. Heavy not notice until dead. Then Boris go up tower, where man with eyepatch built coward sentries. Hans activate little gizmo, make Boris bullet proof. Boris shoot sentries; man sleeping, not repair buildings.

Then there is engineer! Boris and engineer make good team. So coward leader and some pink-haired man with nade launcher invade 2fort. Engineer tucked away behind desk, call for help when leader begin attacking sentry with rockets. Didn't see Boris tucked away behind corner. Boris jump out of corner, give blu hair and pink man heart attack.

When Boris need walk, Engineer make teleporter. That way, Boris no longer need fear death. When respawns, Boris simply resume crushing cowards! And when Boris park himself on tower to capture, Engineer come, build weird machine next to Boris. Give Boris food for Sasha. Also make Sandvich useless, but Boris don't think Sandvich minds.

At end of day, Boris sit down, eat Sandvich, and think of cowards that died. Think of hyperactive scout, think of baby medic, think of sniper with pink ponytail (In sovjet Russia, heavies backstab _you!_). Also think of fat pyro man, accused Boris of hacking. At end of day, n00bs like pyro give him statisfaction.

--

"There you are!" "Ah! ...C-commander!" "Makalov, what the hell?!"

The pink-haired would-be paladin was high roofing. Over his own spawn. Ike had spent the last two minutes after he joined wondering why he was the only one fighting a red team of nine. "Makalov, I want some answers, now!"

The cowardly demoman sighed as if to say _Oh man, I'm so dead_ and began explaining from atop the building.

"Rhys left after Boyd let him get dominated by a scout. Boyd himself ragequitted when his job got considerably harder. Bastian got sick of running into the pyro and went back to plot his revenge on a professional level. Tormod had to go, said something about Danved bugging him. Oliver was discontented with the beauty he couldn't see in the Red team (I don't disagree, actually) and probably quit TF2 forever. Soren got figured out when he was, like, surrounded with enemies. That just happened to correspond with a vivid image from his childhood, and he spontaneously combusted due to the traumatic experience." Ike then considered dropping out to go comfort Soren, but he'd had a shit day, and needed his dose of TF2. "Shinon and Haar?", Ike asked, every trace of false hope molten from his expression.

"Shinon left after everyone else did, and Haar..." Ike had already guessed. "Haar, he's still here, but he dozed off. I don't even know why he's a defense class."

Ike made a futile attempt at a facepalm (thanks to the bazooka), and weighed down the pros and cons of inviting Danved into the game.

_Didn't see Boris tucked away behind corner. Boris jump out of corner, give blu hair and pink man heart attack._

"I am amused by entire eeny bitty teeny team!"

* * *

_I had a lot of fun writing this. The heavy is so blunt and simple-minded despite his claims of intelligence (quite a lot like Bastian, actually)._


	4. Narcolengineering

_Very Fire Emblem-centric._

Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem, Team Fortress, or Haar's unlikely sleeping habits.

* * *

"No."

Soren sipped a bit of tea. Despite his nervous breakdown, he was stubborn as a rock.

"_Please_?", pleaded a noticably tired Ike. "It's for the good of the company..."

"_No_." The ex-spy tried his best not to glare. "I don't see how this would do anyone any good."

Soren sipped another bit of tea. "Besides, there are other ways for me to be of use."

Ike let himself fall back in his chair. "Like _what_?" _Soren as a Heavy Weapons Guy?_

"We'll establish the details later."

"Later is when you're already on the field, getting killed." Ike would rather just let Soren sit this one out, but there was no way he'd agree to that. Going back to spying wouldn't be a good idea, considering what had happened. Spy was really the only effective class for Soren. He had no knowledge on engineering (Haar learned it through tapes in his sleep) and could hardly carry all the equipment around. There was a limit on snipers for most battles, and Shinon wasn't keen to giving up his position. All the other ones involved direct combat with the enemy. There was only one possibility left.

"I'm serious, Ike. All for the company, but there is absolutely no way I'm playing for..."

--

"...medic."

Boyd blinked. He looked at Soren, then back at Ike. He blinked again.

"Are you serious? Are you freakin _serious_?"

Soren's expression remained humorless, with a slight touch of _oh god, kill me please._

--

Haar grabbed his tool box and jumped out of the spawn. After trying to play Mr. Battle Engie the last time they fought on this map, he decided to simply stick around on the second cap and foil the evil scout rushers' plans. It's one place he could afford to doze off, too.

He didn't quite like how open this map was. The enemy was still far away, but Haar could never shake the feeling of impending doom. Especially with that sniper. That blasted sniper... Luckily, there was a lovely bit of cover in front of the point, perfect for setting up.

Haar arrived at the control point first, seeing as almost everyone else went right for the tower in the middle. He planted his dispenser first, as is the normal procedure, unless an ammo crate is nearby. He decided to go for the "box-in" setup this time, as it reduced the chace of getting backstabbed in his sleep (he had really learned to hate the 'stab 'n sap' approach). As the dispenser began operating, Haar began building the sentry. Upgrading a sentry gun all the way with nothing but a single dispenser is a drag, but he didn't mind repetitive jobs like these as long as they pay off. By the time the sentry became operational, there was still no one to cap the second point, tough the reds had capped theirs already. _I'm not capping this_, he repeated to himself. _Your fault if you're standing around being all pretty up on that tower without being able to do diddily squat._

Fortunately, two very tardy individuals had just arrived. "Hey, guess what? We're eons late because of you, but at least I've got a clean outfit!", said an angry Boyd.

The disgruntled medic replied without emotion. "Another headshot would've been fatal. If I hadn't stopped you to heal, you wouldn't be here right now."

Haar interrupted. "Just get the cap, will you?"

--

"Crikey..."

The Sniper moved to a more comfortable position. He waited a few seconds in anticipation, and saw the heavy climb onto the control point, in full view. He expected the heavy to jump and waddle around to try and avoid the inevitable, but everyone knew jumpers were sitting ducks. Interestingly, the heavy stayed perfectly still.

"Standin' around like a bloody idiot..."

He fired. Headshot.

He reloaded and rezoomed. The heavy was still there. The Sniper cursed under his breath when he saw the wound was also gone. There was a medic hiding behind the heavy.

_Bloody cute, that. _He fired again.

--

Despite Soren's more than sufficient healing, Boyd was becoming increasingly disheartened by catching bullet after bullet with his skull. After the fourth headshot, he couldn't contain himself anymore.

"IT BURNSSSS!", he screamed, while stepping aside without warning.

In effect, Boyd managed to avoid the next headshot...at Soren's expense. The Sniper chuckled, though he was too late to stop the capture.

--

A few minutes went by afterwards. Boyd had left, and everyone was at eachother's throats on the central control point, leaving Haar to catch some sleep. He purposefully built his teleporter exit far away from the rest of his buildings, as to avoid waking up to some noisy teammate as they come passing through.

In his dream, Haar was riding his wyvern. And by god, he missed his wyvern. Ever since they started this ridiculous assignment, he wanted to just take his wyvern and pwn some reds, but that was 'against the rules'.

Anyway, Haar was sitting on his wyvern. He was flying...flying over plains. Exceedingly boring plains at that. _I know! Why not catch some sleep?_

And so, Haar lowered himself to a comfortable, albeit unelegant, sleeping position. He was just about to engage in this paradoxal activity when his sixth sense kicked in.

"SPAH'S SAPPIN MAH SENTRY!"

How Haar had managed to learn such an unlikely habit was beyond even him.

The despicable Red spy was hopping around gleefully, sapping Haar's hard work. Haar shot up and grabbed his wrench. The spy was circling around him at a safe distance, ready re-sap the buildings if he had to. Haar knew that if he took out his shotgun, he wouldn't have enough time to remove the sappers afterwards.

And so, he unsheathed his wrench and began wacking at his dispenser. That bastard made his move. He dropped the sapper he was holding and pulled a butterfly knife out of his sleeve. Just as he lunged at Haar for a backstab, the stout engineer flung his body around and repulsed the spy in one smooth backhand slap, leaving him flat on the floor. Before the spy managed to get up, Haar unsapped his sentry and covered his eyes and ears. Boy, was that sentry pissed.

Haar had barely managed to save his sentry and dispenser, but the teleporter exit had to die. He made a quick call with his headset.

"Mmmmyhello?", a voice called.

"Commander. Am I correct in assuming that you _didn't_ cap the middle point?"

"Uh-huh..." _Drat_, Haar thought. A shitstorm was coming.

"In that case, I'll need a bigger fan. Any bored teammates you can spare?"

"Sure. I'll send a pyro."

"Wait, a pyro?" Haar's frown deepened. "It's not Oliver, is it?

The commander chuckled. "Nah, he quit TF2 forever, remember?"

_Oh, right. Thank god._

"Just relax. I'm sure it's someone you won't mind."

Haar couldn't help but remember an unfortunate time in Dustbowl, when he had set up behind the one way doors near the final point. It's quite an ideal position, really. Open the doors when you want the sentry to fire, close when it's about to get catastro----ed by rockets. Well, save for the fact that Haar got sniped down when he poked his head out a little too far. "It's okay guys!", he said upon respawning. "I has a teleporter!"

He climbed out of the cruddy mineshaft that was supposed to be their respawn room and stood on his teleporter entrance, waiting for it to charge and beam him back to his beloved (but now unattended) buildings. That's when he came.

Appearantly, pyros act in spasms. Tormod's behavior during his short time as pyro confirms this. The moment Oliver saw the teleporter, a burning desire was ignited within him. The teleporter was all he saw. He didn't see the hurried engineer standing on it. All he could think of was riding the teleporter. With one clean shoulder barge, Haar lay sprawled on the ground. The teleporter finished charging. Oliver was wisked off.

Before Haar could even figure out what happened, his sixth sense screamed in his head. "Spy's sappin mah everything!"

He saw his teleporter entrance deactivate, as the exit was being sapped. The level three sentry he had built on that dream spot had been reduced to ruins. All thanks to that freakin pyro. Oliver, on the other hand, had a jolly good time 'punishing' the spy for his crimes. He then continued to preen himself for being a successful spychecker.

Thankfully, Haar was good at keeping his cool. He did conclude, however, that pyros were bad for his blood pressure.

--

Evidently, the heat was on. Haar's plans of sleep were foiled by the fighting that was now right outside his patch of cover. This is when he switched to "Paranoid Engineer" mode, pacing in and our of cover to avoid getting surprised by the Soldier or a similar unit and maybe to bump into a cloaked spy if he was lucky. fortunately, the others managed to hold the Reds off nicely, even if the sentry's kill count remained "1". After a few minutes, the promised pyro appeared. It was a girl around twenty with a long, red ponytail.

"Jill! You're a pyro?", said Haar, with a tone of disappointment.

"Don't worry, it's only temporary. And hi to you too", she replied, bemusedly. She positioned herself next to Haar's dispenser and began using the flamethrower as in the 'Eternal Spy Check' method. Haar noticed a badly made dragon head made out of scrap metal mounted on the flamethrower.

"The Backburner? Honestly, Jill, I thought you had more style."

Jill frowned. It's true, winners use the default flamey and its Compression Blast, but she didn't intend to play Pyro long enough to learn how to use it.

Aside from Jill effectively lighting up and frying an invisible spy, and Soren screaming something akin to "I am charged, asshole!" but pitifully inaudible against Boyd's noisy minigun, Haar saw no reason to remain awake. Vigilance is the better part of valour, but a true master changes the situation just so that he may continue sleeping to his habits.

Fortunately, Rhys decided to come back after a short vacation, helping Soren with medic duty. Pelleas had finished his studies and joined TF2 to test himself and help out a bit. Mist turned 16 and was now allowed to play this game. Bastian had racked up over five dominations by enemy team members, and decided it would be best to play medic and get in some mooch kills on his nemeses until this mess was cleaned up. Tormod read on the internet that scout rushing is only really effective if there is more than one scout, so he slapped himself at his own stupidity and switched to medic. Unfortunately, he was being a n00b, so Calill joined and devoted her time to tutoring Tormod in being a good medic. The next day, Boyd walked into the living room and almost had a heart attack.

"WE HAVE SIX MEDICS! WHAT THE FU-"

* * *

_I could go on with this chapter, but I'll keep the rest for another time. Just so you know, I hate being an Engie in Orange X. Shit may hit the fan any minute, but at least your teammates are always in reach._

_As for the pilogue, look up "WE HAVE SIX MEDICS" on YouTube. Lulz shall be had._


End file.
